Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
