How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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