butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
