My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
