Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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