well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
