My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
