I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
