This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
