Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
