wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
