dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
