whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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