SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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