im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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