I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
