Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
