I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
