I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no you cant smoke seaweed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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