is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
