The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
