My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
