I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
