That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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