I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
