i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
