boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
