I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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