I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
