Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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