He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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