My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
