you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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