they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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