I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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