He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
