So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
