Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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