Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
