I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
