I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
