Someone shit on the floor
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
