Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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