uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
