I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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