So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
