I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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