I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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