My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
