I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
