i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
